Every New Year, I'm asked at least a handful of times, "what are your resolutions?" I've never really been one for making New Year's Resolutions since one year when I decided, as an aspiring writer, that I would write every day - even if it was only a diary entry, or a shopping list. But the pressure of such a commitment to a young creative me was stifling and I not only found myself not writing everyday, but also dreading my attempts to write, and ultimately found that I was drained of ideas and energy for it too.
The very idea of New Year, New Me annoyed me as well... What was wrong really with the old me? I hadn't just spent the last 365 days as a horrible person without any sort of moral compass or care for anyone else, so why why did I need to change and become a 'new' me? Why wasn't last year's me good enough? The phrase itself encourages self-doubt and a damaging pattern for perfection. This is something I perhaps admit glibly as a self-confessed perfectionist, introvert and someone lacking in self-confidence, but why do we we encourage this in ourselves? Life would surely be easier and more enjoyable if we removed some of that need for control and forgave ourselves for... being human?
This year though, I must confess, I've found myself giving little internal pep-talks and reminding myself - that's something you'll be able to do next year - or - next year we'll start this earlier so we can do it properly or enjoy it more, it'll become routine...
The other morning I read an article in which, TV and radio presenter, Fearne Cotton said she wouldn't be making New Year's resolutions this year, but instead 'gentle promises' to herself - something that appeals to me a lot more too. Following the frequently disastrous year we've all just experienced, 2021 is already laden with expectation, which in turn comes with pressure. Rather than lay down concrete rules and targets I'm expecting myself to stick to, I think I would much rather allow myself the time and opportunity to do these things, where possible, rather than bogging myself down with more restrictions on my time - when let's face it, some of 2021 may not be as we hope either.
In the article I'd read, Fearne feels that her 'gentle promises can [then] naturally evolve from a kind and loving place', and eliminates the pressure and disappointment we feel when we 'fail' to achieve our new goals. Her first promise to her self is a simple one, and one that I think many people could benefit from: to be kinder to herself. How many times have you told someone, thought it of a friend or family member, or been told it yourself, that you are your own worst enemy. I'm sure I'm not the only one that can relate to this, but we can make things easier on ourselves by simply allowing ourselves more forgiveness. We aren't perfect, and we don't need to be. So rather than beat yourselves up about it give it a try with me, let's acknowledge the things we've have done that worked out well or led to something pretty great.
Another idea I've heard suggested is rather than set goals and targets, each week in 2021 write down the highlight of that week, something that you were proud of, enjoyed or achieved. Put the piece of paper somewhere safe, perhaps in a jam jar, a shoe box or in a journal. Then next year, on New Years Eve, pull out your highlights - 52 written notes on what has made each week good and enjoy them. What better way to celebrate the good in what might be another difficult year? It will certainly allow you to recognise that it wasn't all bad, and there were at the very least, 52 reasons to be thankful and celebrate.
I'd love to hear your take on New Year's Resolutions - perhaps even more so if you have alternative ideas like Fearne Cotton's promises, or the weekly jam jar idea. Do post any suggestions in the comments below!
Happy New Year!
