• rhianprime

It affects us all

A heavier item today which I do believe is important but if it sits too uncomfortably with you, just move on for now and maybe come back another day. It is ok to do it your way.

I was sent this article about grief and how in time life can be lived fully again. Everyone will experience loss at some time or other and however prepared we think we are, we simply aren't. It is massive and whizzes through every aspect of our lives. We can feel there is no point, we can feel isolated from others and the world in which we live, it washes over us and we are never fully ready for its shock however much much we know it is coming. Each of us will have our own ways of dealing with it and we often need to do things to give ourselves a purpose again and a routine to follow on those many painful days. This is what happened to a young mother nine years ago and comes from The Guardian.

"In February 2012, Rhian was a happy, busy wife, mother of three and a PE teacher in Cardiff. She and her husband, Paul, had met on a blind date in their early 20s. “I knew as soon as we met that I wanted to be with him for ever.” Paul was handsome, kind and “sports-mad”; he was Rhian’s rock, she says. By the end of their honeymoon, she was pregnant, while their third child, George, celebrated his first birthday on Valentine’s Day 2012. He was a smiley baby, giggling, crawling everywhere, saying “hiya” all the time. “It was everything I’d ever wanted,” Rhian says.

A week after that birthday, Rhian and George were playing together after his bath when he had a seizure. An ambulance was called, but two hours after arriving at hospital, George died. Rhian says: “The nurse carried his body out of A&E and through the hospital corridors and found a closed children’s day unit, with cartoon characters all over the walls, cots with teddy bears in. That’s where we said goodbye to our little boy.” In her memory, she watches the scene from above, hovering over it as if in a dream. “That emotion of shock saves you in a way; it protects you. Because I didn’t feel anything.” They had left home with their youngest son; they returned without him. “George’s birthday cards were still up, and his presents were in a pile in the corner – but in the other corner was his vomit from when he fell ill, and bits of his clothing that had to be cut off him.”

.....Paul’s state of mind shifted. “He was saying it was his fault, that he had let me down as his wife, and the children,” says Rhian. He went for a drive, but hadn’t returned an hour later. There was a knock on the door. “I could see a police officer in uniform and … you know,” she says. The police officer told Rhian that Paul was dead."

Now Rhian went on through here in considerable pain to realise that she was just existing and not living. She accepted this in time: it was not a way forward for her or her young children. She started on her journey to get out "the other side" as she called it. She set up "2 Wish Upon a Star" foundation and has now re-married. She still has bad days but generally she is very happy and loves life.

Bereavement is not just about the physical death of someone. It can stem from moving house, changing jobs, children at school are sometimes bereaved badly when they change schools and lose their friends and this isn't just children it affects us all! The death of a pet, a friend moving away all can send us into a place where we can just exist and not live. Remember when you have lost something that was special to you - I remember my Mum sending a jacket to the laundry and accidently leaving on the lapel a precious brooch from her mother. There was nothing - it had gone, but the pain of being so careless not to look after her Mum's jewellry took a long while to get over. There is bereavement and loss in the change of a place, a house, a church, a job, and so on. This is a personal journey for each of us and there is no time limit to it. After all we have journeyed through with Coronavirus there are very many who are bereaved, in the true sense, and because they have lost so very much, freedom, personal space, memories, routine etc

We can help and support each other. We can do things together, give ourselves something to do and something to look forward to. In time we will talk, share precious thoughts and even laugh about such things. We are not left alone too and as Christians we believe we are surrounded and upheld even when things feel at their worse by God. The way ahead does when we are ready involve each of us in stepping ahead, reclaiming our lives and our purpose remembering with gratitude and love Talking about how we honestly are and being aware of those who haven't arrived in this place yet, and accepting the good days and the not so good is all part of the journey.

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